Trying to say something

Sometimes I wish I could just express my own opinions. It seems like lots of the time the only way I can get something out of me is when someone is cynically presenting the opposing argument, so I'll say something but there's a but load of junk backing it up that I just can't put into words properly. I was just trying to write a paper about Social Darwinism and I went from person to person asking their opinions, trying to get "ideas" for my paper. Then I realized,"well dude! What's my opinion? Can't I have a say in this too? This is MY paper after all!"Contrary to popular belief... or what I like people to think, I actually do have opinions on a lot of things and pretty strong ones too. I just don't always feel comfortable sharing them and when I try to communicate lots of the time I start worrying about getting judged or I'll judge my own poor speaking skills and wallow in a butload of inhibiting insecurity and fear. What a tragedy to myself and those around me and all the unexpressed feelings I have. Another thing is when I do express them... the way I think... it's just... I have an underlying idea in my head and then I talk through things presenting possible solutions to something, but my underlying idea is still there and the answer even though I acknowledge a bunch of other ones. I often think out loud or while I'm arguing with someone and I sound like a schizophrenic. Sort of like the way I talk about gospel stuff sometimes. Yeah I know it's true, but not everyone in the world does and not everyone in the world is a bad person for having different ideas than me. Wow. This is an incoherent blog again. See what I mean? I'm not understandable so why express myself? Maybe one of these days I'll find someone who can really understand me and how I think.