Slumping

It's slumping. My summer ambition to be someone is slumping. We had a campfire mathinger for FHE last Monday. I went-that's good. But I drove up there in the same car as a bunch of people from my homeward and that was a problem I guess cuz I just started acting like the shy homeward Kathryn again. Ugh. I guess the homeward Kathryn has improved a little but take like dancing or talking normally in the car- nope. I was just the quiet person as usual. Only speak when spoken to. BORING! Sometimes I feel like the way people treat me makes me act certain ways, but that's no excuse! I'm ultimately in control of my behavior. It's frustrating though when I want to break through that layer of dirt and be me and I don't know it just doesn't happen all the time. Then we played Ultimate Frisbee and I just didn't have the desire to run and be someone in the game although I easily could've. I saw a person on campus the other day and you know what I went right up to her and said Hi and chatted for a while, but it was still kind of formal awkward chatiness. Today was the worst though. There was a ward pool party. I went and had a hamburger and talked with a girl for a while but then when she left I kind of just shrank into the background. I just floated around the pool listening to other people's conversations. Not that I didn't attempt to strike up conversations with anybody, they were all just bland. Greg's right the 19th ward is pretty clicky. But I don't care I'm determined to break through them. But ugh. I'm slumping. I'm wondering if my motivation in that ward is starting to fall on the wrong things. I need a new plan of action. Look at what's becoming of my weekends? Sigh. I better do something tonight. That means I need to go finish working outside. Did you know I've pretty much been outside since 12:30 today? That's not fun. Only problem is I actually wore sunblock today. Darn it! It worked! I was hoping it would at least make me tan a little. Oh well.

Random Memory

Random memory I don't want to forget. Actually from Southridge. I loved to come home from school and make dinner then watch Knight Rider. Best theme music ever!... Close to Perry Mason. :)

Six Words

I just got back from some single adult fireside mathinger. I really didn't want to go, but ya know I've committed myself to this single's ward this summer and I was determined. It happened right smack in the middle of my scheduled Sunday nap time so I had to try hard to drag myself out of bed and get there. Then when I got there I was grumpy and wanted to go back to sleep. The dude speaking was great and he meant well, but... ya know not the most doctrinal guy and pretty bold if you know what I mean, but he was good. Anyway that combined with my tired grumpiness made it not so enjoyable. I told myself, "stay awake. There's gotta be something in this fireside for me." It wasn't happening and I wanted to sleep. He kept going off about having kids and marrying everybody not to mention his talk was entitled "Spiritual Perspectives in Romance" so you can imagine Kathryn by herself there was pretty miserable. Finally though toward the end of his presentation I got what I'd come for. Just six words. That's all I had to hear. Funny how that works. Exactly what I needed from a fireside like that. It was totally worth waking up for. Dude things are really clicking into place in my life right now. It's weirding me out a lot. Anyway there's a little experience to... inspire you and um... make you be proactive at church. Alright g'night.