So

So I started going back to my home singles ward on Sunday. Wow. Let's just say BYU wards are really amazing. No one sits on the first four rows. No one sings. No one sits by anyone. So I decided this year I'm going to make it my goal to actually be somebody in that ward. I went to Relief Society and no one was sitting by me as usual, so I decided to take matters into my own hands and go sit by someone myself, and even strike up conversations. Hymph. I really like what that one dude said in conference or something about how he doesn't go to church for himself anymore, but for other people. I like that. I'm going to try it. I'm sick and tired of being a wimp waiting for people to come love me. I need to go love other people. So I even went to FHE tonight and participated(and got the best "I Have" when we played the "I've never" and "I have" game ( I have shot someone with a gun) the bishop was close in second saying he had worn a speedo. Yikes!) and made some new friends and talked with people not too many people ever talk to. I intend to remember names this time too. So anyway I want this whole summer to be a rebuilding summer. Not just with church people but with my old friends and anyone. The girl I want to be is a really nice person. What's stopping me from being that girl I want to be? Only me! I feel horrible when I see how people I used to know well are drifting out of my life. Just today I got an email from one of my favorite people in the world. It made me really happy to get the email, but the email sounded... I don't know sort of cliche and it made me realize, "Gosh I haven't really even talked with her for two semesters!" and she is a very important person in my life! And then I was thinking no wonder it's taking me so long to over come the dark ages of my life-- I just sit around hoping merely talking about them will get rid of them. I need to be proactive and get up and do something about it. I used to think killing people with kindness was the best option, but then I realized: I don't want to kill anyone. I just want to be a friend again. If I want to have a life I'M the one who's going to have to make it! Man I'm ridiculous. Anyway hopefully publicly writing this blog will help me commit and really get out there and be someone, help other people and prepare me for a future.
Ps why can't I make this text a different color? :(