Well hello blog. Looks like I haven't written on you for a while. Sorry. School gets busy I guess. But hey! NO school right now! :) Right now I'm sitting in my brother's house in Grand Junction Colorado. This is my first Christmas away from home. We're here cuz my sister-in-law is in the hospital trying to keep a baby inside of her. I thought he was due in January but it's actually February so he's even earlier than I thought. I hope things work out okay and the baby doesn't have any cerebral dysfunctions or anything. They want to name him with an R name. Probably Riley... but I think Riley sounds like Miley Cyrus. I vote for Rampage :) or Roddick, Royal or Remington (Remington Steele used to be my favorite show). So yeah I'm just sitting here in David's kitchen debating whether or not to go to bed. I was looking at their family picture on the wall this afternoon and I remembered Dave's oldest boy Ryan's first Christmas. He was at our house and a little over a month old. He was just a tiny guy with tuffs of dark black hair...now he's blond and maybe 11? years old? Anyway I think he inspired me to want to have my own kids. I remember holding the little guy as we sat in a rocking chair and looked at the Christmas tree lights. I shushed him as he fell asleep. I was kinda younger and it was probably one of the first times a baby had fallen asleep in my arms. It must've been special to me cuz I've remembered that moment for so long. I guess maybe I discovered that I really liked holding sleeping babies and that was something I wanted to do more of. I wonder what the new baby will be like? Well... I've talked your ear off blog with memories. Maybe I should update real fast. School came and went this semester. I feel good about it though. I can honestly say I tried my best and the results are what comes from my best in college so I'm happy. I feel like I've learned quite a bit academically this year and enjoyed it. On Saturday I invited a good friend over and made gingerbread houses. I made a castle. I started acutane yesterday. I was hoping for some huge reaction to it immediately but nothing has happened yet so I'm sort of disappointed. Shouldn't get my hopes down though. I also decided that I must look like a pregnant terrorist. I have to prove I'm not pregnant to the doctors for my acutane doses every month and the people at the airport always pull the baton out on me. Yep I'm a pregnant terrorist. What else? Hmm... oh I was feeling really depressed the other day. You know those moments where you just feel like life is pointless and you're not worth anything? Yeah so I'm sitting there on my bed with my dog and I guess I must've started breathing loud or something, cuz my dog wakes up from her nap and looks me in the eyes with this look like, "Don't worry, it's alright." Then she got up and came to sit in the crook of my arm without expecting to be petted. Nice to know someone cares. I just wish I cared more about myself and my future sometimes. My goals for next semester are to be a morning person, go to the temple and get my HW done at school. You wanna know a secret? I'm tired of living off campus. I'm tired of people. I'm tired of girls. I'm not learning anything new from the people I'm living with and there's not much privacy and too many unnecessary obligations. I think I've discovered enough about myself to realize I might do better now in building confidence on my own. I have a base enough to know I'm a normal person and I'll have a bunch of people to learn how to deal with if I serve a mission. I'm really tempted right now to just move home and save some money up for my mission cuz my life feels so bland and empty at Campus Plaza. But when would I ever be assertive enough to make a decision like that? I don't know. This opinion will probably change within the next couple days. I've probably just been needing some me time and Christmas break will cover it. I hope. Well blog I should go to sleep. Now you have the full update on my life. Why write in a journal eh? No... sorry I'm just... leaking out today. Thanks for letting me leak blog. G'night.
Ps random pic?