Well hello blog. Looks like I haven't written on you for a while. Sorry. School gets busy I guess. But hey! NO school right now! :) Right now I'm sitting in my brother's house in Grand Junction Colorado. This is my first Christmas away from home. We're here cuz my sister-in-law is in the hospital trying to keep a baby inside of her. I thought he was due in January but it's actually February so he's even earlier than I thought. I hope things work out okay and the baby doesn't have any cerebral dysfunctions or anything. They want to name him with an R name. Probably Riley... but I think Riley sounds like Miley Cyrus. I vote for Rampage :) or Roddick, Royal or Remington (Remington Steele used to be my favorite show). So yeah I'm just sitting here in David's kitchen debating whether or not to go to bed. I was looking at their family picture on the wall this afternoon and I remembered Dave's oldest boy Ryan's first Christmas. He was at our house and a little over a month old. He was just a tiny guy with tuffs of dark black hair...now he's blond and maybe 11? years old? Anyway I think he inspired me to want to have my own kids. I remember holding the little guy as we sat in a rocking chair and looked at the Christmas tree lights. I shushed him as he fell asleep. I was kinda younger and it was probably one of the first times a baby had fallen asleep in my arms. It must've been special to me cuz I've remembered that moment for so long. I guess maybe I discovered that I really liked holding sleeping babies and that was something I wanted to do more of. I wonder what the new baby will be like? Well... I've talked your ear off blog with memories. Maybe I should update real fast. School came and went this semester. I feel good about it though. I can honestly say I tried my best and the results are what comes from my best in college so I'm happy. I feel like I've learned quite a bit academically this year and enjoyed it. On Saturday I invited a good friend over and made gingerbread houses. I made a castle. I started acutane yesterday. I was hoping for some huge reaction to it immediately but nothing has happened yet so I'm sort of disappointed. Shouldn't get my hopes down though. I also decided that I must look like a pregnant terrorist. I have to prove I'm not pregnant to the doctors for my acutane doses every month and the people at the airport always pull the baton out on me. Yep I'm a pregnant terrorist. What else? Hmm... oh I was feeling really depressed the other day. You know those moments where you just feel like life is pointless and you're not worth anything? Yeah so I'm sitting there on my bed with my dog and I guess I must've started breathing loud or something, cuz my dog wakes up from her nap and looks me in the eyes with this look like, "Don't worry, it's alright." Then she got up and came to sit in the crook of my arm without expecting to be petted. Nice to know someone cares. I just wish I cared more about myself and my future sometimes. My goals for next semester are to be a morning person, go to the temple and get my HW done at school. You wanna know a secret? I'm tired of living off campus. I'm tired of people. I'm tired of girls. I'm not learning anything new from the people I'm living with and there's not much privacy and too many unnecessary obligations. I think I've discovered enough about myself to realize I might do better now in building confidence on my own. I have a base enough to know I'm a normal person and I'll have a bunch of people to learn how to deal with if I serve a mission. I'm really tempted right now to just move home and save some money up for my mission cuz my life feels so bland and empty at Campus Plaza. But when would I ever be assertive enough to make a decision like that? I don't know. This opinion will probably change within the next couple days. I've probably just been needing some me time and Christmas break will cover it. I hope. Well blog I should go to sleep. Now you have the full update on my life. Why write in a journal eh? No... sorry I'm just... leaking out today. Thanks for letting me leak blog. G'night.
Ps random pic?

Creeper Theories

So I was sitting in my Research Design and Analysis class and was bored out of my mind so I decided to write a blog. This is the same class where the teacher pulled me aside one day and asked if I had health problems cuz I fell asleep in his class everyday. So to keep myself awake I thought I'd write out my creeper theories. Life is getting to be more full of creepers these days. I walk into a grocery store at night and the drunk people just gather around, I can't play tennis without getting cat calls and to top it off there was a national sex offender in my kitchen last year. So here are my theories of why creepers creep about:

Theory #1: I'm pretty enough to be considered somewhat cute, but I'm ugly enough to be homely looking and approachable.

Theory #2: Piggy Sam. I carry a stuffed pig around a lot. The creepers see Sam and say, "oh look she's weird, she carries a stuffed pig around. I'm weird too. I'll fit right in."

Theory #3: I've always been a little bit petite. I look vulnerable and could easily be overtaken.

Theory #4: I have this connection with babies and animals. Ask anyone in my family. Babies and animals warm up really fast to me. There's this strange attraction there. Creepers have animal instincts and aren't very mature like babies.

The end.

Sorry to write such a random blog suddenly. I just needed a little break from school. When will school ever end?! Argh!

Update... in the morning?!

Good morning blog. It's been a while since I've written to you. I'm afraid I just haven't felt like writing to you lately. I'm sorry. Anyway I guess the main question today is why the heck am I awake right now?! I just naturally woke up at 6AM this morning and it's too wet and cold to go running so here I am. Why am I not in bed!! This year so far has been interesting. I'm like 9thousand times more disciplined for some reason. Of course that still doesn't make me very disciplined. But still it's strange. I start freaking out about an assignment when it's not due for weeks. Totally uncharacteristic of me! I've also been running regularly this year. In fact I ran my first ever 5K a couple weeks ago. It's just weird. I even fall asleep before 12:30 and stay awake most the time in class. I feel like old lady Kathryn this year. Who does that? I mean I actually have time to eat breakfast! It's ridiculous! I'm pretty sure it's not my roommates' faults. I just had a goal and have been trying to stick to it. I think the real goal that's been doing this for me though is my temple goal. Since school started I've gone to the temple every Saturday. It's really made my life easier. I have a pretty good load of classes this semester and some difficult questions to decide on, but I know I'll be taken care of and things will work out if I be a good girl and try to get to the temple more often. It's definitely been working out. I also just got a new calling at church. I'm an indexer. Fits perfectly with my ambitions for the school year. I love it. You know this year I really don't have much of an interest in branching out. I learned over the summer how well I could do it when I need to, but I think I need my focus more on school this year. It's not like I'm not going to be involved and won't make new friends and be nice to people, it's just not going to be as high on my priorities as it used to. I know that sounds bad, but really I don't feel that's where I should spend my time as much this year. Anyway this has turned into a blabber blog. Guess that's why I normally don't write in the morning. Lol! Can you believe I'm writing this much in the morning? What if I talked this much? Wow the world would be drastically different. Here's a random picture to make this blog more interesting. Oh my gosh it's me wearing glasses! Scandalous! No picture of this sort will probably ever be posted again so enjoy it while it lasts.

Maybe this is what I'll be for Halloween

"Ohh dear"

Here's what I'm watching during my 3 hour layover in the Phoenix airport. Don't ask me why I'm watching this though. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ba6hbhYV7f0

Faintful Experience

Hi blog. I'm really bored right now. I've been quarantined in our basement while my family is upstairs playing with my niece and nephew. I'm jealous. But I had a lifetime experience today and I thought I'd write about it to distract me. There's a thunderstorm going on in my tummy and a nice bump on my forehead and scab on my nose so I'm desperate for something to make me more comfortable. So today apparently I fainted or something for the first time ever. I've always wondered what it would be like. I didn't think I was that sick. This morning I woke up sick with something I guess and I was home alone. Thought it was maybe just one of my typical tummy attacks. Then Greg and his wife came over to get camping stuff cuz they're camping next week. Just as they were leaving I decided to walk around a little and yuck! Started throwing up in the bathroom. Gross! That's when I realized I might actually be sick. Then as I was walking back to my room I noticed it was kind of hard to walk straight and had to hold onto the walls and then suddenly there was this big bang and next thing I knew I was on the floor. Weird! Poor Greg and Lexi were just going out the door when they heard a huge thud and were like, "did she just faint?" so they hurried back only to find me flat on my face at the top of the stairs. How embarrassing. Good thing they came though or I might still be lying there. Anyway there you have it. My collapsing experience. Pretty dramatic eh? But now I'm bored to death and lonely and achey. Who knows maybe I have the swine flu :)

Mrs. Barnes

My sixth grade teacher was Mrs. Barnes. She also used to be my after school German teacher in 4th grade, but I'm afraid the only things that stuck to me from that were how to count to 10, "I am sick" and "there is the bear." On the first day of school to learn everyone's name, Mrs. Barnes had everyone make up an adjective beginning with the same letter as his or her name. For some reason I can still remember "beautiful Barnes" "careful Chip" "Courageous Camilla" and "Kookie Kim."The only adjective I could come up with beginning with K was Keen."Keen Kathryn." Boy was I an awkward sixth grader with my purple sweat pants and my round green glasses. Everyday we'd come in and do SSR(silent, sustained, reading). Then we'd do reading comprehension activities in these ancient looking books called Barnellofts. None of the other six graders used them and I always thought the only reason we did was because of the title's similarity to my teacher's name. Then we'd do math. I've always stunk at math. Mrs. Barnes was very specific with how to do math problems. You'd fold you're scratch paper up into 16's and make a column on the left hand side for answers. When you finished the assignment you'd take the paper up to her desk and she'd grade it right there in front of you. It made me so dang nervous! Then we'd go to recess. All of my friends had gone to Mr. Strong's 6th grade class so it was hard adjusting from playing sports and chasing games at recess to staying inside and playing Uno every day or jump roping. Then we'd come back in and spend the rest of the day on history and geography. Mrs. Barnes was very gung ho about geography. She made us draw maps quite frequently and I was often frustrated because I'd spend so much time on my maps, but always get B's because they were never as neat as the other girls. I guess though I got my revenge in PE since there didn't seem to be any athletic girls in my class. Anyway Mrs. Barnes also had a tape with all kinds of geography theme songs on it. I can still sing the European and African Country theme songs and to this day use them to remember where things are. However, I'm afraid our theme songs were cut short. I never learned the full states and capitols song because one day Mrs. Barnes informed us that she had lung cancer and would be missing lots of school. That's when our substitute Miss Morgan took over. She was an older lady retired from teaching and seemed to wear lots of purple velvety sport outfits. She liked to give us word searches and bribe us with M&M's. She was a very nice and grandmotherly lady but didn't always seem to be quite aware of what was going on or what curriculum we needed to be learning. But our class held together and we helped each other learn new things. Every so often Mrs. Barnes would drop in for a few hours and ask us for advice on her new wigs or tell us about the fun she was having driving around in her new red beetle. We saw less and less of her as time went on. By the end of the school year I'm not even sure if she was able to make it to our 6th grade graduation. About a year later Mrs. Barnes died. I've always remembered something she said around the first week of school, "look around this room. Look at these people. These people will be part of your core social group as you continue through Jr. High and High School. Get to know them well so you can rely on each other and help each other out." We certainly did. In that same sixth grade year 2 boys in my class got into a severe car accident leaving one of them mentally disabled. One girl lost her mom and our playground burned down. Mrs. Barnes' death was just the beginning. The next year one of our friends got a brain tumor and later died. Events like that continued and almost every year that group of six graders had to cope with at least one new tragedy. But I think we managed well. People used to say of my year in school "that's one unique group of kids. Look at all they've gone through." We've done well though. I'd like to think it had a little to do with Mrs.Barnes' example of optimism through her cancer that inspired us. Yes maybe we were the first group ever at Mountain View to not have a state championship and maybe our grades weren't as high, but we sure gained some character sticking together through all those experiences. I'm grateful for them and I'm grateful for what I learned in sixth grade from Mrs. Barnes.

Condorman

Yay!!

Slumping

It's slumping. My summer ambition to be someone is slumping. We had a campfire mathinger for FHE last Monday. I went-that's good. But I drove up there in the same car as a bunch of people from my homeward and that was a problem I guess cuz I just started acting like the shy homeward Kathryn again. Ugh. I guess the homeward Kathryn has improved a little but take like dancing or talking normally in the car- nope. I was just the quiet person as usual. Only speak when spoken to. BORING! Sometimes I feel like the way people treat me makes me act certain ways, but that's no excuse! I'm ultimately in control of my behavior. It's frustrating though when I want to break through that layer of dirt and be me and I don't know it just doesn't happen all the time. Then we played Ultimate Frisbee and I just didn't have the desire to run and be someone in the game although I easily could've. I saw a person on campus the other day and you know what I went right up to her and said Hi and chatted for a while, but it was still kind of formal awkward chatiness. Today was the worst though. There was a ward pool party. I went and had a hamburger and talked with a girl for a while but then when she left I kind of just shrank into the background. I just floated around the pool listening to other people's conversations. Not that I didn't attempt to strike up conversations with anybody, they were all just bland. Greg's right the 19th ward is pretty clicky. But I don't care I'm determined to break through them. But ugh. I'm slumping. I'm wondering if my motivation in that ward is starting to fall on the wrong things. I need a new plan of action. Look at what's becoming of my weekends? Sigh. I better do something tonight. That means I need to go finish working outside. Did you know I've pretty much been outside since 12:30 today? That's not fun. Only problem is I actually wore sunblock today. Darn it! It worked! I was hoping it would at least make me tan a little. Oh well.

Random Memory

Random memory I don't want to forget. Actually from Southridge. I loved to come home from school and make dinner then watch Knight Rider. Best theme music ever!... Close to Perry Mason. :)

Six Words

I just got back from some single adult fireside mathinger. I really didn't want to go, but ya know I've committed myself to this single's ward this summer and I was determined. It happened right smack in the middle of my scheduled Sunday nap time so I had to try hard to drag myself out of bed and get there. Then when I got there I was grumpy and wanted to go back to sleep. The dude speaking was great and he meant well, but... ya know not the most doctrinal guy and pretty bold if you know what I mean, but he was good. Anyway that combined with my tired grumpiness made it not so enjoyable. I told myself, "stay awake. There's gotta be something in this fireside for me." It wasn't happening and I wanted to sleep. He kept going off about having kids and marrying everybody not to mention his talk was entitled "Spiritual Perspectives in Romance" so you can imagine Kathryn by herself there was pretty miserable. Finally though toward the end of his presentation I got what I'd come for. Just six words. That's all I had to hear. Funny how that works. Exactly what I needed from a fireside like that. It was totally worth waking up for. Dude things are really clicking into place in my life right now. It's weirding me out a lot. Anyway there's a little experience to... inspire you and um... make you be proactive at church. Alright g'night.

Stitches

So right now I'm waiting for the shower(we're leaving early in the morning for my niece's baptism in Colorado tomorrow). Normally I'd go downstairs and use the downstairs shower but my Grandma is sleeping down there and I don't want to wake her up. So I don't have anything to do so I thought I'd write about my not very eventful event of having my first ever stitches(if wisdom teeth don't count). This morning we went to the dermatologist's and he stuck some kind of needles into my lip. They were supposed to sting a ton or something, but I didn't really notice. Suddenly one side of my lip felt like a mountain. It was pretty cool. Drugs and anesthetics work so well on me. I think I'm going to be a drugy one day. Think that would be a good career for me? Then the dermatologist made marks on my lip and cut it up. Every so often the nurse would dab my lip with some gauze. It looked pretty bloody. Then when they did the actual stitching part it was like they were pulling fishing wire through my lip. I wish I could've seen what was going on. It was weird just watching them so I decided to distract myself and thought through my elementary school teachers and where my locker was located in Jr. High and High School. Before I knew it they were done with me. He let me look in the mirror right after. Looked like I had a fat lip with a zipper on the side of it. Anyway so yeah stitches were fun. Of course this is coming from the person who likes to go to the dentist and would get her wisdom teeth out again any day. I guess the only thing I wouldn't redo would be braces. Ugh! I guess I'm glad I had them though cuz to me it seems like nothing could be worse. Those hurt! Anyway so so far I've survived my cancer removal. Hey no one ever denied that it was cancerous so I think I have the right to assume it was. On Wednesday I get my stitches out. Now if I can just make it through 5 days without smiling too much. That'll be tricky. I hope I don't scare any little kids with my fat zipper lip. Yay! The shower is mine! G'night.

Touching Moment

*Yesterday night a bishopric member called me up and asked me to do a musical number for Cove Point-- the retirement branch in my stake. So I grabbed some music and went over there this morning. I decided to play "I need Thee Every Hour" cuz it's a powerful song and works with everything. When I got up to play I hadn't had any time to practice so I wasn't nervous(funny how that works) and could actually stick a little of myself into the music. It was nice. Anyway then I sat down and stuffed away my music. When I looked up there were all these old ladies wiping their eyes crying. It was pretty cute and touching. I don't think I've ever made anyone cry like that before. Old people are so neat. They're old but they're just like children--so honest and sincere. Then when the meeting was over they were all so appreciative. Lol one lady came up to me and said,"thank you for playing the piano and thank you for your long hair." They were cute. Anyway I also realized the last time I'd played the piano there was when Christine and I were doing our American Heritage service hours. I should try and make an effort to get out there more often. There's a lot to be learned from old people, not just about them but about yourself as well. G'night.

Ode to Me

So I was about to write a nice long boring post again and realized I didn't have any exciting pictures to look at. So I grabbed my scrapbook next to me and took pictures of pictures just for you blog! Don't you feel special? Ps I think I need to change this blog and update it somehow cuz not everything works the way it used to.

Summer Night Post

Hi! So I need to write this fast cuz I'm supposed to be asleep. Hmm now I don't remember what I was going to write... well here's my update on my life. Today I went to the Doctor and they're going to remove my cancerous lump on my lip. Yep the cancer spot. Maybe it's not cancerous but I think it is. ;)So I've decided since I'll be cured of cancer in a couple weeks I need to die of something else, so I've chosen a brain anyourism(I have no clue how to spell that). Sound good? I'll just be doing the dishes and bam! I'm gone. Pretty dramatic eh? After the Doctor my mom took me to the mall and we shopped at Deseret book and I bought meself a new journal. I also snuck over to Vicky's and got some Candy Baby lotion and Pink body spray. I must like the smell of pink I guess(Pink Sugar from Nordstrom's is the Kathryn smell). Then I came home and decided I wanted to make dinner(I'm getting tired of Mom's mango salsa, whole wheat and cottage cheese every night... so is everyone else). So I cleaned up the kitchen and made salad, beans, baked potatoes and my first ever meatloaf. It was pretty dang good if I say so myself. For dessert I made "Christine's Carmel brownies" (actually it's my recipe, but Christine always made them so the title fits better) and tweaked them around a bit to make them work nicer. Man I can't wait till I have my own kitchen! One of my favorite things to do is light smelly candles and clean the kitchen with happy music and stick something yummy in the oven. Then I watch how everyone's mood magically changes. I don't have much of an influence on things being the youngest in my family, but I like to find ways. Then I went and played the piano forever. I'm trying to boost back my old repertoire this summer. Gosh it's frustrating! Everything has become so sloppy! Well oh! I remembered what I was going to write! Today I received two compliments that made me feel special. My mom said to me "Kathryn you'll make a good wife. You make people happy, you're fun to be around and you have lots of interesting skills." I'm not exactly sure what "interesting skills" means, but it was the first time I've heard my mom say I'd make a good wife so it was kind of neat for me, plus my mom is a dang good wife! Holy smokes! Anyway. I don't think I'd make the worst wife in the world and I can't deny that I want to be one and have a family. If only there were some way I could avoid all the uncomfortableness of dating and suddenly have my own kitchen and family. Wow I'm pretty weird today aren't I? It's probably cuz I don't have cancer anymore. Then tonight Greg was in my room talking(since he got back from his mission and when he's not with his girlfriend, we tend to gather in each other's rooms and talk a bunch. Often times late at night, which may not be good when we're both working in the morning, but it's lots of fun). We had the door open (my room's pretty much in the middle of the hall) and Dad came up the stairs and said something about the dinner I made tonight and how he hoped for more. Then Greg stated the obvious, commonly made observance that Dad has mellowed out a ton. But then he said he thought it was because of me and my influence on Mom and Dad while I was an only child for 2 years. :) That made me feel special too. Anyway this is a pretty warm fuzzied up blog isn't it? Well g'night.

So

So I started going back to my home singles ward on Sunday. Wow. Let's just say BYU wards are really amazing. No one sits on the first four rows. No one sings. No one sits by anyone. So I decided this year I'm going to make it my goal to actually be somebody in that ward. I went to Relief Society and no one was sitting by me as usual, so I decided to take matters into my own hands and go sit by someone myself, and even strike up conversations. Hymph. I really like what that one dude said in conference or something about how he doesn't go to church for himself anymore, but for other people. I like that. I'm going to try it. I'm sick and tired of being a wimp waiting for people to come love me. I need to go love other people. So I even went to FHE tonight and participated(and got the best "I Have" when we played the "I've never" and "I have" game ( I have shot someone with a gun) the bishop was close in second saying he had worn a speedo. Yikes!) and made some new friends and talked with people not too many people ever talk to. I intend to remember names this time too. So anyway I want this whole summer to be a rebuilding summer. Not just with church people but with my old friends and anyone. The girl I want to be is a really nice person. What's stopping me from being that girl I want to be? Only me! I feel horrible when I see how people I used to know well are drifting out of my life. Just today I got an email from one of my favorite people in the world. It made me really happy to get the email, but the email sounded... I don't know sort of cliche and it made me realize, "Gosh I haven't really even talked with her for two semesters!" and she is a very important person in my life! And then I was thinking no wonder it's taking me so long to over come the dark ages of my life-- I just sit around hoping merely talking about them will get rid of them. I need to be proactive and get up and do something about it. I used to think killing people with kindness was the best option, but then I realized: I don't want to kill anyone. I just want to be a friend again. If I want to have a life I'M the one who's going to have to make it! Man I'm ridiculous. Anyway hopefully publicly writing this blog will help me commit and really get out there and be someone, help other people and prepare me for a future.
Ps why can't I make this text a different color? :(

My little Friends

I haven't posted a non-boring-writing blog in a while, but I don't have any good current pictures to post.So here are my little friends:)

Hey. I know I've just been writing a butload of junk lately. I promise I'll stick in a picture or video soon so this blog doesn't get too boring. But I was just at home cleaning my room and I found my high school graduation speech. Apparently it was good, but... well... let's just say it was high school and I had my reasons for doing certain things the way I did then. Hymph. Anyway here it is. Some stuff won't make any sense cuz they're inside jokes. I'll highlight those and explain them later if I feel like it, not that I was a big fan of them back then or something. Anyway it was a memorable speech so I'm sticking it in here. Oh and the theme was really cheesy: We may not have it altogether, but together we have it all. Lame huh? Ugh doesn't bring good memories. Oh well. I'm still happy with my life.


If we do not have it altogether, what’s the use of having it all? There’s no point in accumulating thousands upon thousands of irrelevant ideas, objects and experiences if there is no order.
As you might know, I work at the Orem Public Library. I’ve enjoyed learning from the detailed librarians and have noticed their strict attention to accuracy and perfection. They check every barcode twice, they examine each book carefully for damage and without fail, they snap at every patron who attempts to re-shelf any library item. Some may call it paranoia, but judging from experience, I believe their concerns are quite rational. The Orem Library, like most other libraries, truly has it all: books on religion, books on tape, books on hair style, even books about making chairs. It’s all there; but if it weren’t altogether and readily accessible to the public it would only be a damaged building housing a but-load of unorganized literature. That’s why just one out of place book at the library is a hazard to the community, a threat to life itself. One lost book means weeks and weeks of searching, losing valuable time that could be spent elsewhere. Not to mention the horrible mobs of people who beg for their books and scream furiously when The Mayor of Casterbridge cannot be found. To prevent these crisis, at the library we constantly strive to keep things in place, to keep things altogether.
Now my fellow bruins, we’ve gone through twelve years of public education. We’ve endured endless tests, assignments, teachers, and classes. Surely we’ve had it all. Like librarians we’ve trained ourselves to keep things in place and prioritize our activities. Do we not have it altogether?
On June 6, 1944, allies invaded Normandy France attempting to free it from its Nazi occupation. Months of hard work and organization were put into these attacks. Everything was to be carried out with precision and exactness. It was a brave undertaking. The original D-day was planed a day earlier in bad weather, but luckily General Dwight D. Eisenhower knew the importance of having it altogether. Thousands of healthy troops, tanks and planes were anxiously awaiting his orders. Eisenhower had it all, but he also knew that if he didn’t have it altogether it would make no difference. He delayed D-day one day in order to have a perfect execution of the invasion of occupied France. Because of his planning and having it altogether, D-day was the turning point of World War two.
Life can be compared to doing a puzzle: we can have every piece out of the box, ready for action, but a puzzle really isn’t a puzzle until it has all been put together. An unfinished puzzle is like a shoeless pariah, preventing the progression of society, piling up like excess sewage. Let us not leave all of the pieces of our lives lying around on a table. We already have all the pieces, why not have them altogether? There is really no logic in having a life full of un-finished goals. However, I don’t think this reasoning is applicable to us today. Look where we stand now, about to graduate from Mountain View High School. Something has obviously come together.
According to our theme, we MAY NOT have it altogether. I completely disagree. How could James Bond’s class of 007 not have it altogether? We’ve done it all. We’ve prepared and organized ourselves for the future. We DO have it altogether; therefore, we have it all.

Look What I found!

So I was looking for a good essay I had written to submit somewhere, but instead I found this narrative. Remember? This was one of my better papers in that class. It really shows a part of my life :)

Kathryn Larsen
Sister Harris
Honors 150 Sec. 19
October 3, 2007

GRANDMA

Grudgingly I swallowed the pancakes my mom had concocted for breakfast. I never really liked pancakes. They’d constantly get caught in my throat and make my stomach squirm. In spite of the pancakes, I was determined to have a good day. It was the fourth of July, the day our nation celebrates independence from tyranny. But my family had not yet recognized the absence of tyranny. That Saturday morning while all of our neighbors were sleeping in, planning barbecues, and going to parades, my family would be outside drenched in sweat.
After surviving breakfast, we stepped into our work shoes. My shoes were always the cleanest. Everyone else had worn out, filthy shoes that smelled like grass. I was anxious to get my shoes dirtier, so I could feel like a harder worker. I’m the slacker in my family. As the youngest, I was always an incapable child. I never beat anyone at sports, I couldn’t read fast, and I wasn’t strong enough to push the lawn mower. The only task I had mastered was setting the table. It was a hopeless endeavor to try and out do my older siblings. They’d had an edge on me from the start. But on that day of Independence, things were going to be different. I had been promoted to the office of cherry picker. Even though I despised cherries, I planned to work hard and prove myself as a dedicated, obedient family member. To show my determination, I was wearing my work tee-shirt. Its torn sleeves and yellow stains didn’t bother me because the shirt bore my mission statement: “I believe in Mom, I believe in Dad.” If I could show Mom and Dad I was good at something, it didn’t matter how much better my older brothers and sister were.

“Look out Katie!” I turned my head just in time to be hit smack in the face by a giant dirt clod. “Sorry!” It was my teasing older brother James. He’s the one in our family who can either be really funny, or really annoying depending what mood you’re in.
“Sure you are,” I mumbled under my breath as I instinctively picked up my own dirt clod and hurled it back in his direction. I missed. I could never win dirt clod fights. It’s tough being a girl with six older brothers. You got to learn how to defend yourself and fight back. Especially during times of dirt clod wars which almost always accompanied travels up to Grandma‘s house. Our backyard connected with hers so it wasn’t a long trip, but for a nervous six-year-old like myself, it was quite a journey. I held my breath as we crossed the big flat bridge over the canal that ran through our yard. Everyone made sure to avoid stepping on the four loose boards so that the bridge wouldn’t unhinge and send us all sprawling into the water. Birds chirped in our tall cotton wood trees and the warm cloudy weather was perfect for morning time cherry picking. Today was the day. I could feel it.
When we reached our destination, the silver glint of a metal ladder shown through the orchard trees. We were surprised to be informed that we were, “late,” and my seventy-five year old grandmother had already been out for over an hour acquiring bushels of cherries. Alarmed, we rushed to her aide with haste. It is always hard to find a way to help out my grandma. She grew up during the Great Depression on a farm in Southern Utah. She spends more time working in her yard then she does eating, sleeping, or anything else that a normal human being is expected to do. Sometimes I wondered if she ever washed her clothes because they always omitted the smell of insecticide. To be frank, I‘ve never met anyone with a more insane work ethic. Normally when you work with Grandma, any kind of talking, giggling or other form of enjoyment is prohibited. Today was no different. Immediately we began working without the slightest signs of communication or joviality.
I started on the short branches closest to the ground. Having short legs, they held the only cherries I could reach. From my perspective, I was doing an exceptional job. I had almost picked an entire bucket. My mom even complimented me on my hard work so I knew I was being a good little helper. But then, it all changed. Apparently I was doing something wrong. Something terribly wrong. Something against my grandmother’s religion. The hair on my neck flew up as I heard her shrill voice behind me,
“No, no that’s not how you pick cherries.” I was devastated. How else was I supposed to pick cherries? I had gotten them off the tree hadn’t I? I had even left on the stems just like everyone else! Now they were all staring at me with annoyance. My closet brother Greg chuckled rudely and James gave me eyes that seemed to say,“ you’re in for it.” How could she ruin the reputation I had put so much effort into building?! I had begun my cherry picking and fitting in quite well as a hard worker. Without delay my grandma was standing by my side. She was so short I could’ve reached out and touched the top of her head, which wasn’t a common occurrence between me and most grown ups.
“Stop pulling them off the trees! You’re doing everything wrong! You need to turn them.” So I attempted to turn the cherries as I picked them. I was an obedient six year old. I knew that if you didn’t do exactly what Grandma said, you might as well have been chewing tobacco with no place to spit.
“You’re still doing it wrong, you’re going to pull down the entire tree.” Oh my gosh! Just relax Grandma! Before I could try and pick another cherry, she had wrapped her hand awkwardly around mine, twisting my hand painfully as she directed it towards the tiny fruits on the tree. We picked all the cherries reachable from the ground in that fashion. How embarrassing! When she finally let go of my aching hand I thought we had finished. But things only got worse. Suddenly Grandma pulled out my greatest terror: a giant metal ladder. I had very little ladder experience at the time and I was in no mood to gain any. But there was never any arguing with Grandma. She set up the huge ladder insecurely against a tree and commanded me to climb up it. I was so terrified I almost wet my pants. As I started my way up the ladder, I noticed my mom’s apprehensive glances. She knew how frightened I was of climbing things. I had never even seen the attic at my house, because I was too scared to climb up to it. Swallowing, I began my ascension up the ladder. When I reached the middle step I decided I had gone far enough. The ladder was already swaying slightly as I reached for the high up cherries.
“You’re not high enough, go higher,” Grandma said from below me. My legs trembled as I slowly moved up two more steps. By now the ladder shook violently with the slightest shift of my weight.
“Uh, Grandma I’m going to fall,” I muttered, fearful that the ladder would collapse if I talked too loud.
“ You have to go higher.” But I couldn’t. One step up was the top step. You
should never stand on the top step of a ladder. “what‘s taking you so long,” Grandma called up with her nasally old lady voice. I hefted up my right leg cautiously and placed it on the top step. Phew. I had made it. Then I lifted my left leg. The ladder jolted back and forth for an agonizing instant, but then regained its balance as I held my body erect. I stood there in awe for a few seconds, marveling at what I had just accomplished. Then I realized I was supposed to be picking cherries. I stretched out my arm to the closest bunch. Leaning delicately, I extended like a buff ballerina. Just as I was about to, “twist,” a cherry out of the tree, there was an abrasive sound of scraping metal. Before I could realize what was going on, I found myself face down in a vivacious pile of thorny bushes. I couldn’t move. I thought for sure I had died. Then someone started to lift me up. It was my oldest brother Michael. The bushes yanked at my clothes as he pulled me out. My pants had ripped. There were leaves and thorns all through my hair and I needed to cry. But I couldn’t. Not in front of Grandma. I felt miserable. Before I could make it over to Mom, Grandma was back standing next to me. She had already set the ladder back up against the tree again, and she didn’t even ask if I was all right. I looked over at my family huddled together under the orchard trees. They all stared at my injuries with understanding. Something told me it was going to be my turn to pick what was for breakfast tomorrow. Like a true Larsen, I started up to the top of the ladder and picked cherries for two more hours.

The Stalker Story

On Saturday I went running and came home and this guy stopped me in the hall and asked, "can I look at your ward directory?" and I'm like"....uh...no?..uh sure?..." So I was like,"just tell me who you need to look up." and he wouldn't, so I said,"I don't know how comfortable I feel giving this out to a complete stranger." And he threw out this story about how he'd apparently gone on a quadruple date and there was some farm girl he really liked that he wanted to ask out and how she was "the happiest person he'd ever met." And I'm like,"dude just tell me who she is and I can help you out." and he said something like"if I tell you who she is and things don't turn out the way I'd like, then you'd be able to say you knew something about it." So I let him look in our address book. I'm such an IDIOT!! What would you have done? He didn't look like a creeper. He talked well and seemed like a genuinely nice guy. So he looked through the book and started writing stuff down and I was just waiting for him to leave, but he kept asking me questions. Like you know how on job applications there's that question that asks "have you ever committed a felony besides a traffic violation?" and he asked me "how would you answer that if you'd been sited for jaywalking?" And I'm like,"that's kind of a weird question. Is this a survey or something?" and he just kept talking. He said he wanted to surprise this girl at church and by now I was a little weirded out. So he asked me when our church was. All I said was it was in the MARB at 9. That's all. There's a kathousand wards that meet in the MARB at nine. In fact he was like "is there a periodic table on the left wall?" and I said,"yeah I think so." There's not. "so you must be in 445." And I'm like."sure I don't know." We're not in 445. So he keeps talking and asking me for advice for what he should do with this girl and I'm just waiting for him to leave. He asked if I had any roommates and I said I had three and acted like they were home, even though I was all by myself. I shouldn't have even let the guy in... in fact I didn't. I closed the door most of the way while I went to get the directory and he just walked in. Anyway so finally he leaves. I'm telling my roommates this story later and one of them said she saw him in our garage running down the stairs two at a time and he looked kind of lost. So we all thought, he was just looking for this girl. Here's where it gets creepy. So we all go to church the next day and we're sitting in sacrament meeting and my roommate asks if I'd seen the "jaywalker." And I was like,"nope" and then I look around a little harder and I'm like"wait..." and this guy was just sitting there by the wall by himself. He wasn't singing any of the hymns. He was just watching everyone. Then he stays sitting there through choir practice. Some guys went over to talk to him and he just kind of had his head down. Then apparently he followed everyone home from choir and was talking with these guys. That's all I knew at the time and I went home to watch Evan's 1st Birthday party on Skype with the fam. Then when I came back I learned that this guy had gone to the guy's side of our building asking for address books and writing down girls numbers there too. He hadn't told them anything about a girl like he'd told me. Apparently he'd talked with our executive secretary and told him he was from Sandy and needed a ride back there, but the other executive secretary that was there with them only saw and heard them talking and never heard a car start, so we're not sure yet whether he actually left Provo. The pieces should get filled in tonight. Somehow they set an interview up with him and our bishop and afterword the bishop sent guys around to all apartments warning us to keep our doors locked and be aware of "that guy in church today." They reported him to the police and apparently there's been a bunch of suspicious stalker activity in our area. AHHH!! Isn't that creepy? I've been making people walk me everywhere today. I'm so freaked out. I look around to make sure no one's following me or watching me at work. Apparently today was a bad day to make sure people weren't looking at me at work... cuz they were. Eww. and my boss made this totally awkward comment as usual. I was shelf reading and he comes by and was first like. "there's the tall girl." Cuz I was on a stool. Then he looks back at me and says"you know Kathryn as you get older, you get prettier." And I'm just like,"um... thanks? Roger." Ewww. Anyway. I'm pretty darn scared. That guy knows what I look like, where I live, probably knows my cell phone number. AHHH!! If he's a good stalker he'll wait a while until we're all least suspecting it and then.... AHHHH!!! I'm going to pee my pants. That guy was here! In my kitchen! Talking to me!! AAAHhh!!

Trying to say something

Sometimes I wish I could just express my own opinions. It seems like lots of the time the only way I can get something out of me is when someone is cynically presenting the opposing argument, so I'll say something but there's a but load of junk backing it up that I just can't put into words properly. I was just trying to write a paper about Social Darwinism and I went from person to person asking their opinions, trying to get "ideas" for my paper. Then I realized,"well dude! What's my opinion? Can't I have a say in this too? This is MY paper after all!"Contrary to popular belief... or what I like people to think, I actually do have opinions on a lot of things and pretty strong ones too. I just don't always feel comfortable sharing them and when I try to communicate lots of the time I start worrying about getting judged or I'll judge my own poor speaking skills and wallow in a butload of inhibiting insecurity and fear. What a tragedy to myself and those around me and all the unexpressed feelings I have. Another thing is when I do express them... the way I think... it's just... I have an underlying idea in my head and then I talk through things presenting possible solutions to something, but my underlying idea is still there and the answer even though I acknowledge a bunch of other ones. I often think out loud or while I'm arguing with someone and I sound like a schizophrenic. Sort of like the way I talk about gospel stuff sometimes. Yeah I know it's true, but not everyone in the world does and not everyone in the world is a bad person for having different ideas than me. Wow. This is an incoherent blog again. See what I mean? I'm not understandable so why express myself? Maybe one of these days I'll find someone who can really understand me and how I think.

Flexibility

So I was trying to do some of my HEPE homework today and they said that flexibility allows you to reach things on higher shelves and look behind you while you're driving. And I thought it would be fun to act like I believed that tall people were more evolved because they don't need to learn to be flexible and can reach things in high places. So I mentioned this to my roommate Jenilyn and she asked me if giraffes were the most advanced and started talking about giraffes getting drinks and I got a really funny picture in my head. Maybe giraffes are really vulnerable when they get drinks but I still think they are the most advanced. And this picture was inspiring.
Ps and think how much baby giraffes have to go through to survive being dropped so far at birth. Survival of the fittest I tell you. :)

:)

Since God is,"no respecter of persons," it is safe to assume that the blessings we receive in our time are equivalent to those received in ancient times. However, in our day, with the sophistication of science, it seems that many of our blessings often go unacknowledged and credit is given to man instead of God. Somehow we have forgotten who created us and where all true knowledge comes from. Even during the times of apostasy when improvements in technology and understanding were at an all time low, accomplishments and learning still coincided with religion. It is also interesting to note how the events and ideas that developed during this time of uncertainty contributed and prepared the world to later receive the fullness of the gospel. In ancient times new information and insight was almost considered a miracle, but today with the frequency of new ideas, little is recognized as being from God.
While reading Truth and Science another interesting thing to note is the gratitude given by ancient peoples to the Lord. They would build elaborate temples and shrines worshiping him for his presence and bounteous blessings in their lives. Kings like Nebuchadnezzar would set aside their power and position to thank God for his blessings. Even the idol worshipers had the idea that some kind of god was responsible for their successes in life. Today it is becoming more and more difficult to find people who will put full trust in the knowledge that all his or her inspiration comes from the Lord. It seems that we strive for independence in society today. We don't need a God in our lives to learn new things and develop new viewpoints. We survive on our own and learn from individual experiences that we create ourselves.
What a tragedy that the most knowledgeable and loving being in the universe is slowly being pushed out of our lives. No wonder teachers complain about not getting paid enough; the best one rarely gets any credit. The blessings the Lord has poured out among his children have not changed and they never will, for God is unchanging, but the humility and meekness of his people is always subject to transformation.